I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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