My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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