we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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