Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
