drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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