My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
