You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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