So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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