I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
