I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
