You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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