whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
