dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
