I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
