I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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