girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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