just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize