So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
