My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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