I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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