Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
