Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
