the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
