plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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