on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
