yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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