I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
