i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
