Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
