Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
