Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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