My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
