Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
