Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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