oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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