Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
