My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
