I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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