In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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