she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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