My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
