It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What a dumb baby whore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
