I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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