I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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