i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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