On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
