The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
