God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
