Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
