I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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