Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
