wat bout pragnant strippers??
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
