It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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