I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
