HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
