I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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