im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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