Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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