I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
