There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
