I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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