Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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