Sponge bath it is.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
