We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
