I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
