Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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