You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
