Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
